Anchor Leg Basin: Spud Gun Follies

Friday, November 16, 2012

Spud Gun Follies

Terms of Potato Gunnery and Ballistics

Written by Fletcher “Butchwax” Ferguson

It seems only appropriate that the definition of terms used for Potato Gunnery be written down simply to enhance communication. It should be agreed upon that all such terms listed are in fact open to consternation and further review.

Other names of the Potato Gun: Side Order Arm, Lunch Launcher, Spud Gun, Tater Tosser, Tuber Cannon, Root Rifle, Irish Whistle, Idaho Bazooka, RPG (red potato gun), Yukon Loader and of course the Russet Rocket.

Terms listed are not in alphabetical order.

Spud slug: Term used to describe a chambered potato.

Spent tot: Term used to describe a spent spud slug.

Wig burner: Term used to describe the aftermath of a spent tot when too much propellant was used.

Fried potatoes: A collection of spent tots that missed the target.

Hash: The remains of a properly loaded spud slug.

Chive: Bits of spud slug remaining in the barrel after a potato gun was fired.

Tater cheese: A gummy substance found in the barrel or chamber of a spud gun after it has been shot.

Fixings: All the necessary parts needed to make a potato gun.

Sliced potato: Term used to describe the trajectory of a propelled spud slug that misses the target.

Spam: Term used to describe proper spud gun etiquette.

Potato Au Gratin. Term used to describe rotting, stinky, spent tots.

Seed potato: A potato to small for the chamber.

Butter: Lubricant for the spud gun.

Dinner plate: The center of a target shot with spud gun.

Potato bar: The ram rod used to load a spud gun.

Twice baked: A term used to describe a loaded spud gun that has required more than one effort to fire.

Waiter: The guy next in line to shoot a spud gun.

Chef: The guy that applies the propellant.

Potato eyes: Witnesses to a fired spud slug.

Potato skins: Guys that shoot spud guns.

Yam: The title given to the eldest most experienced member of a spudroon.

Your skin: A phrase used to announce the turn of a second spud shooter.

Mashed potato: A term used to describe a failed attempt to load a spud into a spud gun.

Dauphinoise: French term describing an unexpected result of a potato gun misfire.

Gunny sack: The scrotum of a spud gun shooter.

Launch box: The gas holding chamber of a spud gun.

Sparking: Firing a spud gun

Sparky: The name of a spud gun trigger.

Diced potato: The term used to describe a spud slug that falls apart in flight.

Curly fly: Term used to describe the trajectory of a spent spud slug that follows a knuckle ball like

pattern.

Cooking: The short period of time necessary for propellant expansion just prior to sparking.

Menu prep: Term used to describe the patterning of a spud gun.

Spud range: The direction or place where a spud gun is fired.

Boiled potato: A spud slug fired at a fish that misses the target.

Bus boy: A guy who thinks it necessary to find, pick up and retrieve a spent tot.

Potato bruise: A mark left on a unintended target.

Harvest time: A time set for a spud gunning outing.

New potato: A first time spud gunner.

Left overs: Any undamaged part of a target.

Potato bin: Afro-American phrase i.e. “ That potato bin in the air a long time.”

Spud blight: A term used to describe the situation when the shooting of the potato gun has to stop do to

a lack of ammo. (the term “86” is sometimes used in these circumstances.)

Candied yam: Refers to a gay spud gunner

Spudroon: A spud gunning team.

French fingerling: An unusually shaped potato set aside for use in the bedroom.

Spud roast: A term used to describe a conversation about historical spud gunning events.

Peruvian: A term used to describe the act of firing a spud slug so far in a southerly direction the bus boy

can't find it.

Caramelized potato: A term used to describe the result of firing a spud at close range into a mud bank

resulting in great splatter.

Spud runner: A term describing a person who illegally uses, sells, or transports a spud gun. i.e. the use of a spud gun in a game of Polish Frisbee.

Sweet potato: A term used to describe the the result of a perfect long distance spud slug shot that

knocks over an obnoxious little kid ridding a tricycle.

Harpooning: A term that describes the act of using a spud gun under water for the purpose of culling

commercially tank raised fish that have been affected by high levels of ammonia.

Spuddering: A scientific term used to describe the process used by the chef when applying propellant

into the launch box.

Potato wedge: The intense training program offered to all new would be spud gunners that covers all

aspects of spud gunning and spam.

Kerpluncking: The acting of using a spud gun to take fish while riding in a moving boat.

Dehydrated potato: A spud gunner in need of another beer.

Instant potato: A term used to describe an impromptu spud gun challenge.

Whipped potato: The loser of a instant potato.

Tater tube: The barrel of a spud gun.

Tater cloth: A rag used in spud gunnery to swab the launch box and the tater tube.

Tall potato: A blatant out and out lie about a spud gunning achievement.

Graffiti: The result of hitting a moving train with a spud slug.

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"Bullet Joe." My favorite player of all time.

Professional baseball was Bullet Rogan's second career. As a young man he had intended to make military service his life's work, and in 1911 he began a decade long stint in the U.S. Army. During this period both his interest in baseball and his skills on the diamond steadily grew as he organized and played on camp baseball teams while stationed in the Phillipines, Hawaii and Arizona. Leaving his military career behind Rogan joined Wilkinson's Kansas City Monarchs in 1920, the inaugural season of the Negro National League. From the onset of his baseball career it appeared that there was nothing that he could not do, and do well. His blazing fastball and widely varied arsenal of breaking pitches quickly made him the ace of the Monarchs' staff. His quick bat and power made him an invaluable hitter in the lineup³so much so that he remained in the lineup as an outfielder when he wasnêt on the mound. And, what's more, he was durable. Only seldomly did he miss a pitching assignment, and only seldomly did he leave the game until the last man was out. During the first Negro League World Series in 1924 Rogan posted three complete games and made a relief appearance in yet another game.Rogan's career in Kansas City continued until 1937, a total of 17 years in a Monarchs uniform as a player and a manager. When the time came to hang up the spikes he traded his fielder's glove for a umpire's chest protector and continued in baseball as an umpire in the Negro American League. Rogan was elected to the National Baseball Hall Of Fame in 1998.

There are those that won't

To tell you the truth, having stumbled through life pursuing a diverse career path, I intially became a fairly good track and field coach. I had some successes discovering a future Gold Medalist, winning a few championships, rewriting school records where ever I coached and receiving a coach of the year accolade here and there, I just could not make enough money at it to send three boys to catholic school. I sought riches elsewhere. Bumbling around with one money making scheme or another I have propeled myself onward. Working as a high end personal trainer with a low overhead personality offered me the most satifaction. I was able to help countless individuals achieve their fitness dreams. Alas injury raised its ugly head and I got fat. Fat and tired of working in a 1200 square foot fitness studio for 18 years, sixteen hours a day six days a week, I quit myself and started a then one man construction company owner of sorts. Thanks to the economy I am off on another tangent. I have now settled into a state of semi retired activity, dead flat broke and up to my neck in financial issues. Nonetheless, I am undaunted, intending to make a buck with the other half of my brain. I intend to write.

I'll be right with you.

Having just started this new venture as a budding author, I have spent the last year or so compiling a small collection of unpublished literary work. The first effort is a children’s book for, I would guess, advanced first graders, titled “ Charlie the Hat.” The story is about a hat I found hanging on a tree limb along a stream in the Ozark Mountains. Now when you spend a number of hours driving construction equipment one’s mind starts to wonder. I could not for the life of me quit thinking about that stupid hat and how it could have ended up hanging in that tree. So I made up a story about it. You will love it.

Your kidding me, right.

The next work is a novel titled “Common Vengeance, ”Set in the 1850's, the story is about an regionally linked group of residents living in the Portuguese held Congo. This group of heroes motivated by reasons of their own, set off on a voyage across the Atlantic in an effort to return the pregnant princess of the Teke people, whom was stolen by a slaver/pirate, Ike Mac Greggor and then subsquently stolen by a rogue Portuguese Admiral. As the story unfolds, a first generation undercover United States treasury agent, Angus Logan is drawn into the rescue mission by happenstance. Logan, along with a Missionary and his wife, a inept merchant ship Captain who was a victim of piracy, all join forces with the great Teke warrior Matumba, to exact vengeance and rescue the princess and would be King nestled in her womb. Major Dunstien, the founder of Dunstein’s harbor, a small harbor on the west coast of the Congo that was ransacked by the rogue Portuguese Admiral, also joins the rescue party as his entire world has been destroyed. The Admiral is hell bent on establishing, through annexation, a country of his own in South America. Through the use of slavery and using proceeds from a pirated U.S. twenty dollar coin press, he is minting counterfeit gold coins in an effort to build his empire. The Admiral well on his way to acheiving his goals has his dreams destoyed by the crew of the Isabella. It is a swashbuckling tale with non-stop action, drama and pitched battles. Complete with forbidden love and laced with international intrigue, “Common Vengeance” is a must read. Look for it this spring.

Just hold on!

A third work is a very unique presentation of short stories told about and written through a fictional persona. “The Incomplete Works of Fletcher ‘Butchwax’ Ferguson” is a compilation of maybe real life events that the author may or may not have experienced. Some bits are humorous, some are gut wrenching, other tales amazing or just down right unbelievable but true, sort of. Mostly, the stories are entertaining and give insight into a not so normal existence. Experienced over half a life time, the stories surrounding the life and times of Fletcher “Butchwax Ferguson“ depict a truly unique character. What will Butchwax tell you next. Can’t wait to find out? Look for it this spring.

Now where did that goat disappear to?

The fourth is a work in progress. It is a novel, set in the early 1500's Elizabethan England. The title is “From Derbyshire And Back.” It has as a premise, an effort on the part of a nobleman’s grand nephew to sail to the just discovered new world for the sole purpose of being the very first civilized man to hunt the great beasts of North America. Some of the last remaining post ice age mammals are discovered, offering a great adventure. I hope I have it ready for this literary career kick off this coming spring. If you would like to get a peek check out "Runcorn Gap."

The Bull that made America great.

You have noticed that everything as Indian does is in a circle, and that is because the Power of the World always works in circles, and everything tries to be round..... The Sky is round, and I have heard that the earth is round like a ball, and so are all the stars. The wind, in its greatest power, whirls. Birds make their nest in circles, for theirs is the same religion as ours....Even the seasons form a great circle in their changing, and always come back again to where they were. The life of a man is a circle from childhood to childhood, and so it is in everything where power moves. Black Elk Oglala Sioux Holy Man

Now where did I put it?

A father and son went hunting together for the first time.The father said "Stay here and be very QUIET. I’ll be across the field."A few minutes later, the father heard a blood curdling scream and ran back to his son.What’s wrong?" the father asked. "I told you to be quiet."The son answered" "Look, I was quiet when the snake slithered across my feet. I was quiet when the bear breathed down my neck."But when the two squirrels crawled up my pant legs and said, should we eat them here or take them with us?""I guess I just panicked"."

Friday, November 16, 2012

Spud Gun Follies

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