Testimony of the Doughnut by S.E. Hicks

After 55 years it has come to self revelation that I am very good at something that previously has not been revealed. I am blessed with an unparalleled talent of eating doughnuts. Eating the one doughnut has caused me to become better at eating the next doughnut, etc. If I could only get somebody to pay me to eat doughnuts whilst walking on a treadmill, I would be in Hog Heaven. This talent should not be construed has gluttony but rather a well developed hidden talent which is continuing to evolve, not as a habit but as an occasional practice. A practice limited by convenient access, impulse purchase availibility, blood sugar levels and the circumference of my waist. I neither crave nor seek the circular treats but when happenstance has presented me with a ring of pastry delight I take full advantage.

Once, while living as a bachelor, the small apartment I dwelled in was located up and behind a small historic doughnut shop, of which I frequented. The baking of said product would begin sometime in the wee hours of the morning. On cool nights when sleeping with the window open, the resulting aroma of the manufactured sugary discs permeated my olfactory sense to such a degree, it created a Pavlov’s dog reaction causing great quantities of drool to pour out onto my pillow in my sleep, resulting in near dehydration and  the mysterious need to change the pillow case. My doughnut eating skill is clearly a learned behavior.

As my culinary doughnut eating skills matured over time, the knowledge of who's doughnuts to eat, what variety appealed to my personal preferences and at what time of day I could find nature's finest freshest best tasting doughnut was etched in my memory banks. Forget it, I will not reveal this knowledge to anyone as I do not have the patients to stand in line behind you.

While I was writing this little gem my wife ask me if I wanted to have a stick of celery. What do you suppose my answer was to that innocuous offer. "Give me that stale doughnut instead..... dear."

I wish at this time to give a shout of thanks to all those masterful doughnut chiefs whose talents I have had the pleasure of benefiting from. Keep on dropping that dough doughnut making person. I need the practice, as I am still in training for that.... next doughnut eating opportunity.