Three Dogs, One Cat and A Bird Feeder
Written by Fletcher “Butchwax” Ferguson
It was a warm early spring day. Blue skies and light frost had greeted me that morning, spring baseball was in the air. The plan was to get the route done early in order to be home in time to catch the one o’clock pitch but as luck would have it, traffic delays, an emergency call and a couple add ons put me on the road home in the bottom of the seventh, score good guys up six to three. It was not an especially interesting game as we started off with a six run first, which I missed. Now, the opposition was creeping back into the game with two on and a quality batter at the plate. Crack, the game was tied and I was home.
Between innings I changed into a pair of faded blue jeans and sneakers, grabbing the last micro out of the fridge. Along with the dog and a bag of mostly fractured chips I headed for the rocking chair on the front porch. While the radio broadcasted between inning commercials I cleaned the mud off the boots I had worn that day and Sadie did her business. When the top of the eighth rolled around I was done with the boots, had my feet propped up and the dog was posturing for a seat in my lap to get what she felt was a well deserved head scratching. I concurred and allowed her to take her place. It was time to unwind and forget about life’s troubles. Poised comfortably in the rocker, a game on the radio, my faithful companion in my lap, a half bag of chips and a cold one in my hand, I was set.
Three up and three down went the good guys, then a little trouble in the bottom half as they gave up a non scoring lead off triple. Three straight put outs by the agile young shortstop put an end to the threat. The top of the ninth gave me some encouragement, as we got the lead runner on and the next three batters where first year players last year that could really swing the bat. That is when it started.
Sadie’s ears alertly perked up as she stared intently down in the direction of my neighbors house. We lived just south of a pair of duplexes that had a two foot concrete retaining wall across the front. At the base of the wall, running it’s length was a neglected flower bed with last years ornamental grasses still standing. What had got Sadie’s attention was the big black Persian tom cat from down the street which was inching it’s way along the top of the retaining wall, eventually slipping into the flower bed at a stealth hunters leap away from the base of a bird feeder my neighbor had made. The feeder sat in concrete, had as a base, a fairly stout spring to which he had welded a double shepherd’s hook. Hanging from the hooks was a suet basket and a seed dispenser. The cat was stalking the birds as they were taking dinner. Chick-a-dees, Finches and a flashy Cardinal were working the feeder. Cool, a nature show.
Distracted from the game and recognizing that Sadie might bolt as the hair on her back had started to rise, I slipped a finger under her collar to prevent a potential stand off. That is all it ever amounted to but I really didn’t want to have to get up and chase the dog. When the tom cat made his move, he did so successfully capturing the Cardinal, rendering it mortally wounded. That is when my neighbor’s dog Moose, a Great Dane/Bull Mastiff cross leaped off the porch. Moose at nine months old was a horse of a puppy. He had been sleeping in the warm sun with his front legs dangling down and over the first two steps of the porch when the cats action jolted him awake. Moose was tethered to a little to long of a cord, anchored at the other end to a corkscrew in ground stake. Now the wise old tom knew precisely the length of the Moose’s reach, having ventured into the yard before, he quickly carried the still flailing Cardinal just out of harm’s way. Driving Moose out of his ever loving mind.
All this activity happening in a split second, gained the attention of my neighbor’s neighbor’s dog, an overly attended to, artistically groomed, pristine white toy poodle with pink ribbons tied in the tufts of fur on it‘s ears. Mistakenly, the tom cat had in fact, breached the poodles territory and was blind sided by the over matched but foolishly courageous little dog. Reacting, the cat dropped the bird, raked it’s claws across the poodles face a couple times then jumped with in range of Moose. Moose then awkwardly began another attempt at the smart old tom cat which in turn swiped at the surprised Moose, backing him off momentarily. The cat thinking quickly, avoided Moose’s second effort by dashing around the bird feeder. Moose gave an uncoordinated chase entangling not only himself but the toy poodle as well. Around and around the bird feeder they went. The old cat baiting the two dogs towards a tangled mess, all the while shortening the tethers.
The old tom cat knowing full well the dogs were hung up, refocused his attention to the injured Cardinal. Pausing for a moment of satisfaction. the cat calmly strode over, picked up the bird, then paraded itself to the top of the retaining wall. Moose however, was not going to give up the chase, giving every effort to reach the cat he pulled his cord against the spring based bird feeder bending it over. When the spring recoiled it pulled Moose back and up went the mud covered toy poodle, hung up in the shepherd’s hooks. Over and over the poodle was tossed into the air, yelping to beat the band. I sat in the rocker trying to get an idea of the action of the game hanging on to my barking dog. Seems somebody hit a double, two on first and third. Who hit the thing? I questioned as I strained to hear the announcer that was silenced by the barking dogs, I took a swig of beer.
The young house wife heard the commotion and came out dressed in white exercise leotards and a bright yellow t-shirt. She was a tiny thing, barely a hundred pounds. No match for the huge Moose. Moose was going crazy, darting back and forth, he was….. out of control! As the young mother tried in earnest to untangle the two dogs, she herself became tangled about the ankle and was pulled to the ground abruptly. Moose finally busted the spring on the feeder and pulled up the stake he was tethered too, dragging the young house wife and the toy poodle with him eventually busting the poodles tether. The reader should understand that due to my neighbors heavy work and school schedule he had never, not once in six months, removed the plethora of extra large, extra moist piles of dog shit that littered his yard. She was mortified.
“And that is it from Surprise, Arizona , tune in tomorrow at …Eeeek.... Came screams from the neighbor lady. What had happened to the game?
The little women, Moose, and the toy poodle all covered, I mean covered in wet stinking to high heaven dog shit sat all together on the side walk. She cried as Moose, calm now the cat was gone, sat cocked headed and wagged his tail with enthusiasm. Dog shit was in her hair, smeared on her face, all over her leotards and all over both dogs. The poor poodle still hanging from the shepherds hook. In the midst of it all she had lost both sandals and had dog shit between her freshly still wet from polish toes. Had she only kept her mouth shut, she would not have got dog shit in her mouth.
Later that night, hubby was at work in the yard with a shovel, a broom and a hose. As I watched him work, I wondered to myself…. What did she tell him? Did he kiss her when he came home? Yuk!
I just really wanted to listen to the game. I missed the ninth inning all together. The good guys apparently won after all. Thank goodness there is always another game.
